WARNING! Not a real guide. For entertainment purposes only.

HOW BUY DOG



Today I show you how buy dog.

Buying dog no easy. Many things to watch.

You:
Patient.
Persistent.
Rich.
Speak broke English.

You have much do. Patience is virtue. Must wait for good dog. Once dog is found, must bother person for dog. Don't stop. Person give you dog eventually and leave. If no, then you must buy dog. You must many msk have. If no msk, no dog. I sorry.

Also, you speak English like this. If no, no person sell you dog. Why? If you speak this:

"Hello! My name is Dr. Know and I would like to buy your dog for 40 msk."

They no stand. Too much English. English be broken, or person no stand. So, you speak this:

"I buy dog for 40 msk."

They stand. And sell dog. Good dog. Stand?

Dog:
Special.
Deal.
Not Ugly.
Alive.

Good dog is special. Good dog chase shadow, eat own poop, bark at light, have three leg, or make good soup. If no, no buy dog. Normal dog bad. No fun. Must buy special dog. Stand?

Good dog sell for deal. Learn make deal:

If person sell dog 50 msk ask buy dog 40 msk. They make deal for 45 msk. Take deal. Deal good. You now know how make deal. I happy.

No buy ugly dog. Only sell ugly dog. People who no read this buy ugly dog. You make msk. Msk good. Stand?

Ooohhh! DON'T FORGET!

Dead dog bad. Very bad. If you buy dead dog, you angry. You find person sell you dead dog. You hurt person. When person unconscious, you steal good dog of person. Person wake up. Person call people. People with gun find you and throw you in big house. No happy ending. Stand?

No buy dead dog.


Now you know how buy dog. I hope I help you buy good dog. Good day.